=(

Man, if I had just gotten serious about losing weight, back when I measured myself, by now I would be noticeably thinner. Instead, I probably am fatter. My head is in a constant swirl of confusion, and hopefully the purging around here will help me clarify my thoughts.

Stuff

I still have way too much stuff. I am working on it, but while watching an episode of "Hoarders" I did have a bit of an epiphany. "If you get rid of this, what dream will die for you?" Oh yes, that is the question. I don't need to sort my stuff, I need to sort my dreams. Oh, now that makes sense.

One of the hardest things is my children's things. Their little clothes and shoes and papers and toys. When I get rid of them, it seems as if I am getting rid of the younger child they used to be. But I can't (and don't) save it all. I just realized I have to go ahead, feel sad, and go on. I try, at times to avoid the sadness by keeping the stuff. Unhealthy. I also realized something ~ I desperately hate that it is a possibility in this life that one of my children may die. It is possible. It happens to families. And today I realized I save things JUST IN CASE one of them dies, I am so afraid I won't have saved enough of them to have something left. Or maybe it is the realization that they are all going to leave some day. They are going to grow up, and the children will be gone. If I don't have some part of them as children, it will be as if it never happened.

Oh my. I guess I just have to get comfortable with the ache that is there when I realize how quickly they are all going away. Just feel it.

And I need to let some dreams go, so I can actually work towards achieving others. With too much "stuff" to manage, I have a challenging time getting anything but basic daily work finished. I must sort, purge and organize, prioritize, my dreams.