I began the 100 push up challenge. So far, so good.

I have also continued to declutter and decrease the Hobby of Thrifting.

I see big changes coming, and feel more hopeful, lighter, more "self possessed".

Progress

Okay, so much going out of my room, Melanie's room, and various book shelves. Suddenly, the image of myself has changed, and I just don't want all the "funky" stuff I had. It was an illusion, anyway. I was trying to find a definition of myself, to create one, so to speak Since Melanie was born, and more of my kids have become teens, I can see that was an indulgent waste of time. The "real me" is fighting her way out of this mess!

So much to say since February. I have continued to purge, purge, purge. And I ain't stopping yet. Weight is probably the same, although I am fitting into things a bit better, so I am not freaking out. But food is more moderated since Lent, the stuff is flying out the door around here, and more I purge, the more I want to purge. YES.

Slow but sure

More progress in the "Stuff" front, not so much in the fat war. But I have taken piles and piles of things to Goodwill, and left without adding anything to my household. I have dusted, thrown lots away, and with Lent coming, I should get the incessant snacking under control. Then add walks and maybe when baby is 3 I'll be back to my old weight.

=(

Man, if I had just gotten serious about losing weight, back when I measured myself, by now I would be noticeably thinner. Instead, I probably am fatter. My head is in a constant swirl of confusion, and hopefully the purging around here will help me clarify my thoughts.

Stuff

I still have way too much stuff. I am working on it, but while watching an episode of "Hoarders" I did have a bit of an epiphany. "If you get rid of this, what dream will die for you?" Oh yes, that is the question. I don't need to sort my stuff, I need to sort my dreams. Oh, now that makes sense.

One of the hardest things is my children's things. Their little clothes and shoes and papers and toys. When I get rid of them, it seems as if I am getting rid of the younger child they used to be. But I can't (and don't) save it all. I just realized I have to go ahead, feel sad, and go on. I try, at times to avoid the sadness by keeping the stuff. Unhealthy. I also realized something ~ I desperately hate that it is a possibility in this life that one of my children may die. It is possible. It happens to families. And today I realized I save things JUST IN CASE one of them dies, I am so afraid I won't have saved enough of them to have something left. Or maybe it is the realization that they are all going to leave some day. They are going to grow up, and the children will be gone. If I don't have some part of them as children, it will be as if it never happened.

Oh my. I guess I just have to get comfortable with the ache that is there when I realize how quickly they are all going away. Just feel it.

And I need to let some dreams go, so I can actually work towards achieving others. With too much "stuff" to manage, I have a challenging time getting anything but basic daily work finished. I must sort, purge and organize, prioritize, my dreams.

Progress

Okay, 5 minutes on the eliptical. The saddest part is that is twice as long as I could do it last time. So, I'll add some time next time (later today? Tomorrow?) But this is better than nothing, and it is a start. You have to start somewhere!!